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DISCLAIMER: The following is an excerpt (in draft form) from the upcoming book, tentatively titled "1,596 Ticket Stubs", from Fueler & Assistant EFI Editor - Michelle. No portion of these excerpts can be reproduced in any format without the written permission from Michelle. ©
October 17, 2009 - Metallica Opening Acts: Gojira and Lamb of God Set List for Metallica
That Was Just Your Life Sometimes it takes a complete stranger to snap you back into reality or give you a gut check that you just can’t do for yourself. Sometimes that same stranger reminds you of something that you truly believe in, but have just forgotten because of adversity, fear or extreme loss. The main reason I chose to write a book about concert experiences is because metal-hedz rule. Metal music fans are a family unlike any other set of music fans. Case-in-point: In a far too long overdue moment of metal glory - when he and his Black Sabbath band mates are finally getting inducted into the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame - Geezer Butler proves why Metal-hedz are family. This historic music moment has been a lifetime coming for Sabbath and Geezer Butler. What does Geezer express in his moment of glory? Love and mutual respect for other metal-hedz. Geezer dedicates his Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame induction award to the late Cliff Burton and the late Dimebag Darrell Abbott - former Metallica and Pantera thrashers. Geezer’s Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame induction moment fucking rocks; and that's why I love Metal-hedz. On Oct. 17, 2009, I added two members to my metal family, and one of these very cool new metal friends taught me what it means to have a true metal heart. It felt like a long time coming, since the first part of 2009 had brought me to my knees. Just before Thanksgiving 2008, I was engaged to my boyfriend of nine years. In our nine years together, Chris and I had seen more than 150 concerts together, quite a few of them Metallica. We both were looking forward to seeing Metallica in Washington, D.C, and in New Jersey in January 2009. Right before Christmas - my world faded to black - Chris died. My world was shattered. I barely remember giving our Metallica tickets to his brother and cousin. I didn’t feel like I could ever go to another concert, especially Metallica. Chris and I had shared so many amazing Metallica moments. How could I enjoy Metallica without him? Brain cancer shattered our world. Life became a black cloud. Throughout life’s other trials, I had always turned to music to get me through the adversity. Now, it seemed every tune had some special Chris memory attached to it. We loved music of all kinds - metal, rock, bluegrass, opera. The black cloud turned into a zombie-like existence of work, sleep, work, sleep. Music, which had been a lifeline since I was seven, became a painful reminder of what I had lost. I cut off my friends - not on purpose - but by sinking deeper into a lonely black cloud. Then, in late summer my cousin “Tea” told me she heard that Metallica was coming to John Paul Jones Arena in Charlottesville, Va. “Yeah, right,” I thought. “Bad joke.” I had always had to travel more than 100 miles to see any big concert. The Roanoke Civic Center was the closest venue to my home and it was 130 miles away. No way I would see Metallica in little old Charlottesville, Va., less than 60 miles from home. “Tea, you must have heard the radio announcer incorrectly. No way Tallica is coming to Charlottesville. John Paul Jones Arena only holds like 15,000 people. What station did you hear that on?” “98 Rock, Shell. I swear that’s what he said,” Tea replied. No more silent rides to work. I turned my radio back on. … About a week later, I had resolved to myself that my cousin was crazy. “Metallica in Charlottesville, ha! Maybe she was just trying to get me out of my black cloud funk. That was nice of her.” I finally conjured up a smile. While proofreading at my desk at work, “Ride the Lighting” came on lowly on my radio. I turned it up. “God it has been so long,” I thought. My favorite song of all time. I listened. I cried. I remembered good times with Chris - and I didn’t fall apart. McNamara, the 98 Rock DJ and a huge Metallica fan, said: “You heard it hear first, Tallica fanatics, the four horsemen will be in Charlottesville on Oct. 17.” I logged on to the MetClub Web site immediately - yes at work. I didn’t care. I had to know if I was hearing things. As the site loaded, I thought, “How the hell can you go without Chris? … Don’t’ think. Just find out if it’s true.” … Damn, they are coming. Metallica, John Paul Jones arena, Oct. 17. “Okay, I can’t be hearing things and seeing things.” Two weeks until I can buy tickets through the MetClub, I read. “Oh my God, Metallica playing less than 60 miles from home. Oh my God. …”
 Cool picture of Jaymz during "One" at the Charlottesville show (photo courtesy of Michelle) Instant euphoria turned quickly into a dark cloud of shame. “I haven’t talked to any of my regular concert buddies in months. I haven’t talked to my Virginia Fuel friends in months. Will they even talk to me again? Will they all be mad at me? Who can I go with? Shame turned to guilt and fear. God, I can’t relive all that pain and talk about Chris with everyone.” SHUT UP! The voices in my head screamed at me. I hope it was my conscience yelling at me to snap back into life. All of my close metal friends and even my coworkers - who all know that I am a lifelong Metallica fan - timidly asked if I was going to the Charlottesville show. Each time it got a little easier to answer their questions. I could tell that some wanted to ask about how I was doing without Chris, but thankfully, they held back. … A few weeks after I purchased my ticket to the Charlottesville Metallica show, I got an e-mail from one of the coolest metal chicks I have ever met in my life. My friend Jeannette was checking to see where the hell I had been. I met Jeannette through Virginia Fuel, the Virginia state chapter of the Met Club. She and I have shared quite a few experiences on the rails and also backstage at Metallica’s 2004 show at FedEx Field in Washington, D.C.
 Can you say free drinks!? The Rubber Room backstage at Metallica’s FedEx Field show in 2004 Cool-ass metal chicks Jeannette, Amy, Joanna and me with “that Mudvayne guy!” (photo courtesy of Jeannette) Before Metallica’s show in Charlottesville even began, Jeannette changed my life - forever. As I pulled into the first level of the parking deck near John Paul Jones arena, I heard a loud scream: “Maaaaaaaaaahchelle!!” Though we hadn’t physically seen each other since the 2004 Metallica show, I knew the voice instantly. “Jaaaaahhhhneette! How are you, woman?” It felt as though I hadn’t even got my car gear in park, before Jeannette and I were embraced in a full metal hug. A full on metal bear hug so strong it obliterated any residue of that lingering black cloud. A hug that lasted so long I felt my body release the pain of loss. A hug so cathartic, I even released the shame of shutting out my metal friends for so many months. A hug between true friends that needs no explanation - just a knowing nod.
 Jeannette, Brett and Pam (photo courtesy of Michelle) Then, Jeannette introduced me to two new metal friends, her buds Pam and Brett. Pam, Brett’s mom, drove the trio to the show. I could tell instantly she was a true metal chick. Over the next few hours - sharing a few shots in the parking deck, walking to the venue and waiting in the long line outside the arena - I learned that Brett was at his first-ever concert. That may not sound very out of the ordinary. And, my very first thought was, “First concert ever - Metallica? Lucky bastard.” But, I soon learned that this kid had survived cancer and an organ transplant to get to his first concert. Only 16, he had survived a lifetime of pain and tribulation that would bring many men to their knees. Every time the conversation would turn to Brett’s health or adversities, he would talk about Metallica or Lamb of God. Everyone Brett met in the line outside the arena and later in the mosh pit was amazed by his story. Another cool-ass metal chick and Virginia Fuel friend, Dawn, gave up her primo spot so Brett could ride the rail while Lamb of God thrashed the opening gig. Brett got a huge metal nod from Lamb of God guitarist Willie Adler. Not bad for a first concert experience. A few times during the show, Brett’s little body got tired. I was amazed at his stamina, reflecting on all his health issues. A few times he sat on the concrete floor right in the middle of the pit, among mosh pit veterans and some very large concertgoers. Everyone was super nice. As soon as Brett got his wind back, he was up and head banging.
 Rob at the Charlottesville show (photo courtesy of Jeannette) The full-metal ecstasy on Brett’s face throughout this show was worth the price of my ticket. I’m sure his mom will never forget it. All Brett could talk about was what an awesome experience and how grateful he was for his mom bringing him. There were no “woe is me” stories. No laments when his body was too tired to head bang. Brett was full of gratefulness and metal-ness.
 Jaymz at the Charlottesville show (photo courtesy of Jeannette) I am so glad that Jeannette introduced me to these two new metal friends. Brett: You remind me what it means to have a true metal heart. I didn’t meet anyone famous at this show. Didn’t get backstage; didn’t even make it to the rail. I spent the whole show mingling, about four rows deep behind the rail, but this was one of the best concerts of my life. I reconnected with metal chick and good friend Jeannette. And, thankfully I got to meet Pam and Brett, who helped me recharge my metal heart. And, Metallica reminded me that they are still “about the fans.” After 25 years making metal and still thrashing at the top of the charts, Metallica played a venue as intimate as U.Va.’s John Paul Jones arena. Metallica had not performed in Virginia for five years, but there was not a bad seat in this house. There was not a bad spot in the pit. Metallica and this show in particular remind me of why I love metal-hedz and why I am writing this book about my concert experiences.
Rock Life-Lesson: This ticket stub is dedicated to Brett, who reminds me what it truly means to be strong and have a true metal heart. Keep it loud Brett. I hope every concert you see is as awesome as your first concert experience with Metallica. I know I will never forget your first show.
 A bunch of Fuelers with Pam and Brett (photo courtesy of Michelle)
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